The consequences of a feeling called love
by nberes
Summary: A continuation from chapters 87/88 when Matsunaga-san gives Shiharu a present for White Day. The consequences of hiding growing feelings, and what it means to truly love someone. Will Seiji and Shiharu finally have their happy ending? Or will they bring about consequences so large that they fall apart forever?
1. A proposal

Hello all! Just thought I'd do a bit of drabbling since I fell in love with this manga. This story runs off from chapter 88 when Seiji explains the value of the ring to Shiharu, though it is my own take of the response afterwards (and the remainder of the story). I hope you enjoy it, and please review it if you like it!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Love so Life**

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Imagine if I just said yes there and then. That shining ring poking out of that little polished box. My life's dreams all packed into that most precious gift from Matsunaga-san.

Looking at him now, with his passionate stare and curling hair, I couldn't help but feel the pain of acceptance and rejection. It must've been so hard for him to do this, especially out of pity for me. I'd cried so many tears in front of this man; so many fears and worries about love and belonging which all stemmed from my love for him. My love for Seiji Matsunaga.

"Matsunaga-san…"

"Nakamura-san. I know this is a shock to you, and I'll apologize a thousand times, but I'm willing to wait a thousand lifetimes for you to respond to my feelings. I know your mother wouldn't have wanted me to pressure you, and I won't if only for my own conscience. All I wish is for you to be happy. No matter the reply, I will wait for you; you who I love so much."

I can't breathe. The sweet words seem to roll out of his mouth naturally. This is the coherence of an adult; intentions plain and clear, and perfectly aligned with my own. My hand grabs his own for support, and to feel the heat of his body; to prove this is real. He strokes my fingers with his other hand comfortingly.

"I know you are still a child, but you are more than family to me. You are my most important person." He finished with a bright smile.

"Matsunaga-san; I don't know how you see through me, but you do." I grasped my free hand to my chest painfully. "You see all my insecurities and my sorrows, and you just take them away. You are the only person I have ever cried in front of, and I hope it will remain that way forever." I choked back tears. "I…I love you…I have always loved you; from the moment you saved me from my impartial existence at the institute, and brought me into your family. You make me feel as if it's worth believing in the power of love, since in the end, the twins will leave here forever. No amount of my love will make them stay here with you…with me. But it's too much for me as their babysitter to-"

He pulled me into his chest and growled. _"Shiharu." _My world shattered with that one word; my name. He pulled back slightly to look into my face and wipe away my broken tears. Pulling my face close he whispered "I'm here. I will always be here…_I won't leave you behind._"

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The ring wasn't specifically an engagement ring; it was more a way of showing others that she belonged to me. My Shiharu. From the moment I'd seen her with the twins at her hips, I'd tasted her joy and her hope, and had begun to crave it; the love she gave unconditionally. As an adult of the higher rungs of society, I knew the problems a relationship would cause for both sides; the gossip and the legal problems, but I couldn't help the flowing desire that rushed through my veins.

Her reaction when she opened the ring box had been priceless, and though I had shared my honest thoughts and feelings with her, I could not help but hide the darkest truth from her. I wanted her to stay; now and always. I wanted to make her mine, and take her where no one could ever hurt her again. Rationally, I knew I couldn't do this, but I could wait for her as long as she needed, because at the thick and thin of it, it would always be her. My Shiharu.

I spoke my heart; I let it bleed to the wind. What hurt most, however, was when she spoke those words. _"I love you."_ As if her blushing face hadn't been enough to tingle my spine; the stroke of her fingertips on my hand had almost undone my very being.

I heard every word she spoke in raspy breaths, but I couldn't stand to listen to her spout realistic concerns. I couldn't listen to her doubt the love she had just declared; not after two long years of self-control and total respect for her being. I love her too much for that.

"_Shiharu_" I growled possessively. I would not let her go now. She was mine. The tears fell as I pulled her to my chest; cradling her gently. The warmth I felt from that contact was the relief I needed from the pressure; the loss of the children I had raised for two years, and the loss of my family lifestyle. Without Akane and Aoi, Shiharu would no longer come. I would lose my entire makeshift family, and I would lose the feelings that felt so dear to me.

The wracking sobs echoing from the girl in my arms brought me back to my position as I stroked her hair. I would comfort her, and I would protect her.

I decided then and there; I would do anything to protect her happiness.


	2. A request is made

**Disclaimer: I do not own Love so Life**

I woke up on Matsunaga-san's futon to the twisting and rolling of Akane and Aoi in their sleep. Matsunaga-san had called the institution last night and informed them of my emotional state, and had requested that the head come to his house in the morning for an important discussion.

My head is spinning from the tiredness I feel; it's as if I haven't slept at all. I peel off the clothes Matsunaga-san lent me to sleep in and pull my own on brusquely. The last thing I need is for him to come into here and see me in such a state.

Cheeks burning, I walk down the hall to the kitchen and begin preparing breakfast for the twins and myself before I begin the daily chores around the house; as if I hadn't stayed the night. My foot twitches from the time the rice cooker is taking; I just want to stay busy and keep all thoughts of last night out of my head. In my tiredness, I don't hear the thuds behind me, and shriek at the arm around my waist. I suddenly realise the closeness and the emotional repercussions of last night; what he had declared.

"Morning Nakamura-san. What's for breakfast this morning?" he smirks as he leans back against the counter.

"Onigiri today. Aoi likes the triangle shape especially, and it's easy for the twins to hold" I manage to breath out. My heart's racing in my chest from the close proximity, and the feeling of being watched; his stare following my every movement. Suddenly he pushes off the bench and digs out three cups; my pink one among them, and starts making refreshments.

"Nakamura-san…I've invited the institute head over today in an attempt to ease things for you in the future. I'd just like to let you know that you're free to make your own decision about the outcome of this meeting" Seiji glanced at me thoughtfully.

What will this meeting even be about? The head rarely goes out to the homes of affiliated families of the institute, so what could she possibly come here for?

A knock echoes down the hallway.

"Ahh, here she is. Shiharu, please take a seat at the table with the refreshments. Breakfast can wait." Seiji calls as he goes to answer the door.

The importance of this meeting dawns over me as the scalding hot drinks transfer their warmth to my hands.

"Good morning Matsunaga-san, Nakamura-san. What can I do for you today?" the head mistress questions as she walks into the living room. Her piercing glare burns into my being as Seiji directs her to sit at the table next to me. This resulted with him on one end, the head mistress on the opposite end and me in between them.

"I have invited you here to make a request in favour of Nakamura-san should she be willing to accept it" Seiji stated; stoic and business like in his posture. At moments like this, I can truly see the difference between us; that experience and adult nature that divides my life and his.

"Hmph. We do not take such engagements lightly at the institution, and I can assure you; Matsunaga-san, that inappropriate gestures will not be tolerated" she replied.

I feel the tense atmosphere radiating from the two people and I feel that this is not a conversation I belong in. "I'm just going to go wake up the twins-"

"No, stay Nakamura-san" Seiji interjected; placing his hand on my own. "Head mistress; would you allow me to take custody of Shiharu for the remainder of her time at the institution?"

My breathing stopped. I think everyone's stopped actually. The mistress clearly hadn't been prepared for this as the shock was written all over her face.

"Matsunaga Seiji. Are you 100 percent certain of your request? You do realise the repercussions this would cause for both you and Nakamura-san." The worry and unease was clear in her expression. Of all of the things he could have asked, this was not something I had even thought possible.

"I am prepared to make every sacrifice for her wellbeing" he responded clearly. "She already lives so much of her life here; the only changes would be that she wouldn't have to travel to the institute every night, and she would have her own private quiet study place for her studies and exam preparation. I'm sure that you can see the logic in my request, head mistress. I'd just like you to thoughtfully consider it."

"I do see your reasoning, Matsunaga-san, but what I don't see, is why you have made this request. What do you have to gain from this? You know the laws as an adult yourself, so why risk that kind of misunderstanding?" The head responded. Her scrutinizing gaze cut through the air in order to find some sort of truth.

Looking at Seiji, I see his head bent down in apology, I feel my heart swell. It's wrong to direct all of this pressure at the man who has done so much for me, but I can't find the words to answer on his behalf. Thankfully, he seems to have prepared for this well.

"I know and accept the consequences, mistress. I have already declared my intentions and the conditions of my proposal to Nakamura-san. All I wish for her is to have the best opportunity in life, and to have the freedom of not worrying about her finances and living arrangements as her 18th birthday draws nearer. By having her live with me, the twins would feel more at ease, and it would relieve the emotional pressure of losing the twins for Nakamura-san. Living arrangements can be swiftly prepared in one of the rooms upstairs should you agree." Seiji responded. His speech seemed to flow so naturally; his television broadcasting efforts shone even through interactions like this.

Something seemed to ruffle the mistress in his speech and she made it clear to voice her protest. "I know and understand the nature of your circumstances, so please explain this. The twins will be leaving in a couple of months. Nakamura-san still has a year left of school. How will you fair living on your own in the house with her?"

The resolve in Matsunaga-san's eyes was clear. "I will be taking complete custody of the twins. If Nakamura-san may stay with me, the twins will be staying as well. This is a condition I have to meet in order to compromise with the twin's grandparents. Head mistress. I would appreciate it if you made an honest decision based on Nakamura-san's wellbeing; not on the fact that it would be an adult male living with her."

The head mistress placed her cup on the table suddenly, and looked to the two people in front of her. The professional nature of Matsunaga-san meant that he would refrain from anything public, and the naivety of Shiharu, well not so much naivety but innocence, meant that she would be respectful of the home's restrictions.

The older woman suddenly clasped her hands together, and prepared to proclaim her verdict.

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A/N: How cool! Thanks for all of the views; especially for the review from eLf!

I appreciate any and all feedback, so please, if something isn't great, let me know. Dialogues are a particular challenge for me, so please excuse the poor flow of the writing in this chapter; I promise I'll work on it!

Lastly, please review; I love getting email notifications that say that people are actually reading my work. It makes me want to write so much more :D

Anyway, until next time!


	3. Promise

**Disclaimer: I do not own Love so Life**

"I will take Nakamura-san back to the institute for today, but given her decision, I will allow her to stay in your home." She looked intensely at me as she phrased this. The hope I emanated at that moment must have reached her because she continued in a harsh tone. "There will of course be paperwork to sort out before then, and every Friday afterschool Nakamura-san will have to come back to the institute to report on her progress at school and the state of her living conditions in your home. If I deem them to become unsuitable at any time, she will be brought back to the institute immediately." She finished this with a tone of finality in her voice; making sure I understood.

She obviously sensed the tension between Shiharu and I, and so couldn't trust me completely.

"I will take my leave now. Nakamura-san; gather your things. We have things to discuss at the institute." With this, she picked up her things and glanced at Shiharu as a signal to hurry and leave.

I feel guilty for not discussing this with her earlier, but that can't be helped; I only thought of it last night. By having her stay with me, I can keep my family, and I can keep her. I can protect her from that teenager at the institute, and from the predators we always seem to run into at festivals and outings. She doesn't realise how men really think; what they see when they look at her, but it can't be helped. Her innocence is part of what makes her so free. She is cautious generally though, so it wouldn't be too much of a problem. It's just the thought of her being taken away so easily…that I can't handle.

Maybe my will to monopolise her has gone too far?

Deep in thoughts, I suddenly realise Akane has rolled out of the bedroom to look for food. The drool on her face is very cute, but it also means she's been dreaming of food again. I pick her up as I walk Shiharu and the head mistress to the door and wave to the car as they leave. I can only hope that I haven't burdened Shiharu too much. This was after all an extremely large gamble; she might not come back at all. It all lies with her now; what will her choice be?

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I can't calm down as I pull myself into the car. I can stay at the Matsunaga house? The twins will be staying here; not moving to their grandparents? These are all firsts to me, and I feel the promise behind every one of Matsunaga-san's words. I can't believe he'd sacrifice so much to keep me in his house; to preserve so much of what I hold dear to me.

A grunt startles my thoughts, and I realise again where I am, and where I am going. I've never ridden in the head's car before, though I don't think I want to ever again; the tension from her professionalism and the remnants of the conversation at Matsunaga-san's home coats the air in a fragile silence. I receive a glare through the mirror as we leave, and I am careful to avoid her gaze again.

The drive to the institute seems to take forever, and upon entering, I receive an awkward welcome.

"Shiharu! What the hell were you thinking? Staying at that guys place!" Nao-kun yells as he grabs my shoulders tightly. "He didn't touch you did he? God, Shiharu, what are you doing to me?" I feel a stab at that. Matsunaga-san is an adult after all. There will always be a strain on our relationship because of that nine year age gap. I know I can't interfere with his work, but I also know he deals with many beautiful women every day. When he was faced with that romantic scandal, he settled it clearly like an adult, and immediately removed all of my doubts. I will always have to trust in him like this; it's not my place to say otherwise.

My shoulders shake as Nao begins to lose his temper. "It's so wrong. I don't know how the institute allowed this. They're supposed to protect us from perverts like him!"

My hand moves naturally as the crack echoes in that small entry way. I can hear the kids running around upstairs, but the silence is deafening in this tiny room. The tears run without my permission as I whisper.

"You have no right to judge. You have no right."

Hurt. I feel the hurt roll off from him as he turns and begins to leave.

"He will leave you; you know that, don't you?" He questions as his gaze pierces my eyes. Shuffling behind me grabs his attention, and he flees from the room; nursing his wounds.

"Well Shiharu, shall we?" The head gestures to her office, and I once again find myself in a troublesome predicament with only one solution.

"Coming Miss" I reply and prepare for possibly the most nerve wracking meeting of my life.

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I receive a phone call from the institute shortly after salvaging what I could of Shiharu's breakfast and hand feeding the twins. I'm expected to come in this afternoon and fill in some duty of care paperwork, and prepare her living arrangements by the end of the week.

At least she's alright. I worried for the meeting she and the head would've had this morning, but apparently it was all for naught. Akane and Aoi seem to sense my relief and begin to climb all over me on the floor.

"Hey, I need to work you know!"

I reach out to close my laptop just as Akane reaches for the screen. My god, the last time these kids broke my laptop the technician at work couldn't believe it; it was a few hits away from a blank drive. I've been more cautious since then, but it's kind of hard to keep up with these two all the time; especially when they're so hyper. I notice Aoi's pouting at me, and I can't help but ruffle his shaggy hair.

"Don't give me that look, I need to fix things up for Nakamura-san this week" I tell them, and it seems to reach them. Anything about that girl, and they seem to understand right away.

"Shiharu-tan! When she coming Sei-tan? When Shiharu-tan coming?" Sitting on my lap simultaneously they flip around like a couple of dolphins, and I begin to prepare for the exhaustion their happiness is going to bring about.

"Listen you two, Nakamura-san is going to be living here from Friday night onwards" I explain in simple terms.

Unfortunately for me, they understand exactly what this means.

"SEI-TAN! SHIHARU-TAN STAY WITH US FOREVER!" Akane yells and begins hopping around the room. Aoi stares up at me with disbelief, though sensing my sincerity, grabs my collar and questions me.

"Forever, Sei-tan?" he asks accusingly. Shiharu and I have both noticed Aoi's advanced intellect and understanding, but it never fails to astonish us.

I stand up and bring him with me. Staring into his eyes, I promise him.

"Forever."

**A/N**

Hi everyone! Thanks for the views and reviews; you wouldn't believe how excited I get when I see them!

I hope you're enjoying reading the story as much as I am writing it; it's one of my favourite pairings, and I'll do my best to do them justice.

Please leave a review, and I'll see you next time!


	4. Home store visit

**Disclaimer: I do not own Love so Life**

I'm excited as I pack my belongings for the move, but it's looking at my lonely room which reminds me that I am replaceable. This day was going to come eventually; it was only a matter of time.

Everyone except Nao-kun has come to ask about my new home and see what's going on. The head mistress has allowed me to keep my borrowed clothes in the meantime as I settle in, but I feel that I'll be returning them soon enough.

Leaving the institute means leaving my own makeshift family; though constantly changing, it has always been my place to return home to. The kids all remind me of myself from a younger age, but I need to move forward. I can't stay attached to this replaceable environment.

All of my things fit into two cardboard boxes, and one of them is just full of things for school.

I've given up many toys and accessories to the younger children here, but looking at what's left, I can't help but feel empty. Loneliness is common as a child when you're first admitted to the institute, but I can't help this sorrow.

Matsunaga-san came to pick me up in the afternoon to take me to the home store. I only needed my own futon and bed sheets, but he insisted on buying me a desk and chair for studying. I protested profusely, but he bought them anyway.

"It's not like you don't lead your own life, Nakamura-san. I'm just creating a stable environment for you to live in." He assured me. He never failed to surprise me how mature he could be at times, though his childish smiles always light me up with raw happiness.

"Thank you again Matsunaga-san; I truly am very thankful for all of the things you have done for me. If there is any way I can possibly repay you, please let me know" I bow in thanks.

Speculating thoughtfully for a moment; fingers under his chin, he turns and picks up the twins with their toys.

"I'll think about that" I blushed at the thought.

I insisted on paying for the futon and sheets, but Matsunaga-san wouldn't let me pull out my wallet. I stepped in front of him at the cashier and he grabbed my right arm and thrust out his credit card with free hand. I struggled in protest but he ignored me and only let me go when the payment was finalised; the cashier smiling at the scene.

"Thank you for your purchase; the items will be delivered tonight by 5pm. Have a lovely day." She smiled at us as we left; Matsunaga-san carrying the twins in both hands. Crossing the car park, I thought about what had just happened and felt embarrassed at the thought of such a public display.

"Matsunaga-san, that wasn't fair" I exclaimed, blushing.

"I asked you to live with me, so it lies entirely with me to provide everything which you could possibly need." He spoke matter-of-factly with a smile tugging at his lips. The smile dissipated into surprise as Aoi started struggling and whacking his shoulder.

"Sei-tan mean! Upset Shiharu-tan!" He proclaimed as his face reddened from a combination of anger and effort. Fluffy hair bounced around in his other arm as Akane joined her brother in hitting their uncle.

The movements of the twins made it hard to keep a grip on them, and a kick from Aoi in the ribs brought Seiji to his knees breathless. Coughing on the pavement, he grumbled at their antics whilst they tugged on my skirt hem and repeatedly asked if I was okay.

I stood frozen above Matsunaga-san without a clue of what to do. What did I feel in that moment? Was it pain that he was suffering, or helplessness at the fact that I couldn't take away the pain? In that moment, his smaller figure reminded me of a child and I sunk to my knees and hugged him. His coughing echoed next to my ear, and I realised that this was not Aoi's work.

As his coughing fit eased, he raised his arms to hug me back, but ended up clutching his ribs instead. My brow furrowed in concern, but he pulled me to my feet before I had the chance to ask him about it.

Driving home, the car was silent aside from Akane's constant rambling. Aoi's face portrayed the guilt he felt for the incident in the car park of the home store; thinking Matsunaga-san's coughing fit was all his fault. I know it wasn't, but I can tell it's not something he wants to talk about. It reminds me of the kids at the institute; they all hide their illnesses until they become unbearable so that they can keep playing with their friends.

Pulling into the driveway was a relief, to say the least. I settled the twins in the living room with cosmo rangers while I began cleaning the spare room which I would be occupying on the second floor. It was a lot bigger than my shared room at the orphanage; a large window with billowy curtains, along with a wooden bookshelf on one wall and a bureau draw under the window. I took out the glass panes and began cleaning furiously; I want to be finished by dark.

I end up vacuuming the room and putting the curtains to wash before I begin making dinner. Matsunaga-san is working at the table on his laptop, though sometimes he suddenly starts coughing and again clutches his ribs.

The doorbell rings before I can ask about it, and he hops up perfectly fine to open the door. I swear, one day his appearances are going to kill him. The toys and furniture from the home store have arrived and we need to take them upstairs, though with the twins running around with their new toys makes it near impossible to lift anything without tripping. We both agree that it should be left for after dinner once the twins are too tired to run around.

As predicted, the twins hit the snooze button the moment they finished eating; Akane nodding off with drool leaking from the corner of her mouth. Aoi remained awake for a little longer as we put them to nap in their room.

"Well, that didn't take long eh?" He said; watching them with a smirk leaking from his lips.

"Ha ha yeah; they're so cute aren't they?" I laugh as we stepped into the corridor. Picking up the edge of the futon sprawled across the floor, I wonder how I'm going to get it up the stairs. Matsunaga-san sees this and grabs the other end thoughtfully.

"I can do it myself Nakamura-san; please leave it to me" Matsunaga-san suddenly exclaims after tugging the futon to his chest.

"No; not for my living arrangements, and not in your condition." I rebut, surprised by the almost angry expression on his face.

"My _condition?_" he emphasises questioningly. I bow my head in apology, but instead of responding verbally he simply tugs the futon from my grip and pulls it up the stairs on his own. Rushing to help him, he suddenly calls out.

"Shiharu"

I flush at the use of my name.

"Yes Matsunaga-san?" I reply.

"Call me Seiji. We're not strangers you know?" He smiles cheekily at me.

"B-but I couldn't possibly disrespect you in tha-"

"I'm asking you in return for the favour you owe me. Call me Seiji" he presses this time. If my cheeks were red before, they're absolutely on fire now.

"Y-yes Seiji" heat flaring up my ears in embarrassment.

"Much better." He called out from the top of the stairs with the futon safely on the floor. I feel the distance between us, and again not our differences.

Engrossed in my thoughts, I miss the clenched fist at Matsunaga-san's side and the sound of his slightly laboured breathing.

**A/N**

Wow! That was fun to write; I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. Parts of it I'm not so happy about, but I want to get it out so I can move on to the next one. Thank you for the reviews Ayla, the kind-hearted guest and Kaito-neechan; it inspires me and motivates me to know that people are enjoying my work. Thanks to everyone for reading this again; please review or PM me to tell me what you think, and I'll see you next time!


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